I open up my laptop to write a beautiful piece of happy moments. Fortunately or unfortunately, I cannot think of anything to write upon. Fortunate because you won’t be dwelled up with this deep feeling. And unfortunate because I don’t feel good if I don’t express. Well, I can’t stop thinking of you while I write this. And my hands are numb. I figure out, I couldn’t even type properly.
I fear change. I can’t think of changing, you know. I fear of the drastic changes that this word brings. I find it like a large wave that will drown me along with its high intensity of water and I will be lost somewhere in the middle. I know it’s strange that how ‘your people’ who had been the most important in your headings of life no longer exist in your diary of the people you know. I know it’s weird to think of those happy last memories with those people and you end up making yourself sad at the present. No longer phone numbers are saved by the same important name. No longer speed dialling is made. I know heartbreaks aren’t easy. I know nothing is easy. Perhaps, not at this moment. Most probably my mind is adjusted in such a way that I do not perceive to glance at the positiveness that it shall bring. No, the writer isn’t pessimistic. She is lively and she will always be the same. You may or may not love her but she will always love you.
I guess, most probably I will take some time to digest everything. I frankly don’t know who do I get close to at this moment. Because the next moment I could feel you changing and what guarantee will you give me that you would remain the same till your last breath? I don’t know who will act like a weather to fear and who will be a shadow to my dreams. Yes, I understand the fact that each one of you is facing something I have no idea about. And yes, I must tell you, you’re doing it really great. Even if you aren’t, you will. You definitely will.
I’ve nothing to tell you. Because the writer herself isn’t admitting to the fact that “Change is the only constant”, how is she supposed to make you feel better?