I’ll tell you something about him today. Something about my favourite person I’ve known. You know, life play tricks on you when you aren’t ready. And you know, the worst part is, it just throws the ball at you. At that time, “I am not prepared or wait for a while.” kind of thing doesn’t work.
He was one cheerful and confident person I’ve ever known. You know the always happy kind of. I’ve always seen him be the jolliest of all even during those blue days. 360 degree of happiness is what I learnt from him. He was superb basically.
Life was supposed to be beautiful. But one sad day he realised things aren’t making him happy anymore. Looking through the window and unable to feel the monsoon, when petrichor doesn’t smell any good, the happiness that spring brings is unknown to you. It’s a nasty feeling, isn’t it? The cryptic silence of 2 A.M. or the hectic schedule of 2 P.M. wasn’t telling him a deeper story anymore. He just didn’t feel like anything. Feeling less was his feeling. How do you react when life possibly takes a U-turn obviously without your acceptance?
There was this lonely feeling that he had. Something different, a little sad and completely unexpressive. Completely lost. Self-loving has turned to be self-loathing today. How I wondered what made him so calm even during the windy days in the ocean and now even the silent ocean is making him feel terrible. Words like irritating weren’t meant for him. And today even clean rooms let him lose his temper. He was one optimistic person and he had the charm to make me feel good always. Sadness was afraid to give him a glimpse back then because he has always managed to take things light. Losing granddad also didn’t make him this sad that time, who now shed invisible tears in his heart. Those insane waves of laughter together at a not-so-funny-chat is a memory today. You know, You aren’t bad any day, It’s just the circumstances that show you one bad story.
He didn’t wish to sit sadly. Definitely, none of us wants to. Imagine, losing faith at every inch? Like every inch of your muscle telling you, “Give up. Just give up. Not for you sort of thing.” It is more than what lowness feels like. Perhaps, just to tell him that this kind of fight takes a major strength, depression spoke deeply to him with more than just a “hi.” Or perhaps, Just to tell him “You can overcome everything”, Depression knocked on his door.