Of Insecurity and all that

Beautiful Humankind,

I’ll tell you something dark and hidden today. Maybe, a dark secret you’d call.

Listen. Just listen to me carefully.

When I look at the glittering stars above, I’d sense myself like a little tiny piece of object sparkling in its own way. But the next moment, you come to my mind. The darkness; the negativity; the aura of someone spying and it haunts me when it isn’t supposed to.

I remember yesterday when I was coming back from college, a group of men stared at me from bottom to top, not top to bottom. I call them bastards. You may call them a jerk. Oh, Yes, Yes. I just forgot that it’s a common ritual for men to stare at girls and pass some lewd comments. Why am I even cribbing? I’m really sorry. I should’ve been comfortable with all these daily on-going rituals.

During one odd night, when a very genuine friend of mine speaks about making love, I’m scared. I’m scared to a level that I can’t even let him touch me. Because the other day, an elderly drunken uncle on my flight back home tried squeezing my breasts and I couldn’t really scream. Can you just imagine what it felt like? That day, I’d experienced this feeling of getting blank. I learned what getting blank feels like.  But, it’s okay, right? It just happens with girls. It’s okay. Just relax. What are you supposed to do? Girls, Just be alert every time, right? I’m really sorry. I should’ve learned to accept the same from the society.

When I’m a little drunk, I ask my close friends to take care of me. Because it doesn’t take time to get molested and raped and who are you to blame? YOURSELF. You shouldn’t have been to the party late at night. Sorry, your fault.

Let me tell you, it isn’t okay. Not even to a level you could imagine. It haunts you. It just haunts you. It makes you vulnerable to things you aren’t supposed to. It makes you question about men who are good and genuine. It makes you question about kindness. It makes you question about security. And it’s scary.

At this moment, while I’m safe at my place. I wish every girl get the spirit to overcome everything they’ve come across and be safe.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the society we’ve nurtured. I’m sorry for the strange fear and the insecurities. And I’m sorry for all the girls who’re insecure even at 2 in the morning.

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