It’s almost been a day at this new place. And I never thought this is how I’ll be defining the word new. Dad, not even one face looks familiar. I swear. Not even one. It’s like I’m smiling at some strange people whom I never thought will be so important in my life.
Mom, I received your call today and I can’t express how much I missed you. I really do not know whom do I share all my feelings with. I can’t call you every now and then. Can I? Everybody will think I’m insane and I don’t want them to know that I’m. Dad, you know what, I hug everyone out there who has come to see the new bride. They offer me blessings and I smile back saying, “Thank You.” This is what I learnt. But dad, you know what, do you remember that day when I was back from my hostel? I had a really long day and my flight got delayed by 5 hours. Dad, it was pretty late that day. It was winter; it got dark, really dark. I saw you at the airport with that smile, and dad I don’t know, it was like for some seconds I didn’t feel that I had a long day. The glitter in your eyes made everything so pleasing. And papa I love the way you hug me. You just make me feel so comfortable. Yes, dad, I do understand that my new family, Oh! I mean, “My home” is good and they will make me happy every now and then. But dad, you are you and mom is mom. You can never be replaced. My family will always be my family. How could you even think that your little girl will make everything look so perfect so easily? I’m not that magical, dad.
Grandma told me the other day that she likes the way I am. Too much talkative is what she meant. She should’ve seen me here today. I don’t know dad, everybody, here tells me that I’m so silent. With time I’ll be fine, right? Mom, I couldn’t sleep last night. The bed isn’t like the one we have at home. It’s too much spongy. And the room, it’s too big for me. It isn’t messy either. There are no soft toys around which I can hug tight and sleep. Mom, I don’t know how I will handle the taste of the food I make. I know it is going to be tasteless. Mom, I sound so miserable right now. I should’ve learnt to make good food.
Bhua called me up yesterday. I told her that I’m completely good. And my hubby, oh! Yes, he makes me happy. But the truth is I miss all of you. And I don’t know if I will ever stop missing you all a little less. We completed all the rituals here. And it was a big day for me. Everybody here is really good dad but nevertheless, they aren’t you. They aren’t the family I’m accustomed to. And they aren’t the ones I have deeper connections with.
Oh, Mom. Did I tell you that like my favourite balcony here is a little balcony with little pots and flowers? I can sit there and look at the busy streets, read a book, or do nothing. I’m so glad to find that at least there is something that resembles home.
Mom, do you remember how I have always told you that maybe I will never be ready for something like a marriage. I wasn’t even ready yesterday. I wasn’t mom. The thought of a big fat wedding freaks me out. Mom, at this moment, I don’t know what home looks like. I just find it so weird to be here smiling at everybody like a complete idiot. I want to cry. I want to hug you and cry harder. I miss each one of you. I miss the way I used to be at home. I miss the way I used to wait for dad to come back from office. I miss everybody way too much. Dad, I can sense that I no longer have that glitter in my eyes when I see people. I don’t really feel good. Mom, the new home doesn’t look like home. Can I do a little drama and come back to my real home, please?