What Idol looks like?

Beautiful Humankind,

Do you ever wonder what Idol looks like?

Come, Come along with me. I’ll slowly run my mind through the traces and will dictate you some key points you’d feel worthy listening at this hour.

  1. Your mom and dad will always be your mom and dad. I repeat, YOUR. Before you try proving them wrong, I want to tell you, they’ll understand and they’ll totally feel you.
  2. No matter how smart or how educated you are, you’ll always need your parents. Sometimes for the sympathy and most of the times for the love, care and the guidance that nobody else would try giving you.
  3. Even at the age of 20, my little problem is always greater to them than the massive issues they are having. No wonder, they won’t even mention about their sufferings.
  4. They tell you, “I know, this must be difficult. My girl, you’re struggling.” I want them to know that my grandma has secretly dictated me the stories of how you’d struggled. About dad being the superhero in that story.  At that point of time, I considered it as a story. Fairytale, you see. Today I came to know it’s wasn’t just a struggling painful story. It was one real struggling story of dad. I wish I could tell you how tiny my struggles are when kept before what you’ve been through.
  5. Through years I’ve learnt that you learn by observing. And when people ask me how you’d been so kindest, I don’t really know what to tell them. For I have seen my family members showering each one they meet with the kind blessings. I don’t know what Kinder or kindest is. I just know the word kind. Like some famous people say, “What you see is what you learn.” I learnt what I saw.
  6. I realise that it’s important, to be honest, and to make them believe that they are an integral part of our lives. I know that we’re all busy and we barely have time. But But, we do believe in priorities, right? Let me keep this straight, they’re your PRIORITIES. Believe me, they will always enjoy talking to you. ALWAYS.
  7. We talk about the time when we have no time. We talk about this era as one powerful era. What’ve we actually done to make it all worthy? I’ll suggest you something, let’s make some time to sit with our parents and discuss something you’ve always wanted. Your dreams, your life, your friends, your friend circle. Let them meet your friends. Talk deep. I’m telling you it’ll make sense. It always made sense to me. Trust me on this; they’ll always love being your listening ear. Tell them stories of how college was and how as usual you were late for the first class. Ask them how their days were. I’m sure they will understand you more than you could ever believe. And they’d love sharing what made them go long during the day.
  8. At last, on your every long/short travelling journey, you’ll always find your dad being overprotective and your mom will always pack some extra homemade food for you.
  9. When asked about blessings, I don’t know what form it takes. But I’m sure such family is no less than a complete blessing.

Do you even wonder what Idol looks like? Look around, you’ll find one.

 

 

And why not?

Beautiful Humankind,

When I was a kid, I used to look into the mirror and whisper something. I don’t really remember it well, but I do remember that it made some sense.

Remember those childhood days, when for every good task you did in school or at home someone was there to reward you? At times with some of your favourite words like, “You’re love” or “I told you, you’d done great!”  And at times with some materialistic love. Don’t you remember those mark sheets that detailed you about all your subjects and how you’d smartly boasted about it? Haven’t we all been through those days?

I’m in my twenties and as a sit in the corner of my bed with a cup of coffee, I wonder how’d life turned to be if we were still rewarded. I wonder if we had a score card of life instead of the mark sheet we got at school, would we still be able to pass in all the subjects. Had the scorecard represented everything you’d think about yourself, would we still be boasting about our results? In that case, we’d be more positive I guess.

Most importantly, how determined we’d be if we were to reward ourselves. I mean, no one is to prepare the score card. You prepare your own score card of your life. Sounds interesting, right? If for every day we had a small diary where we could record all the feelings we had today, and for every positive feeling about yourself you scored a double, would you still be so insecure of yourselves? What if even today, for every little task you’ve accomplished someone was there to tell you, “Yes, I was sure you’d done that!”, would you still conserve your mind with the negativity? For every time you lose confidence in yourself, you lose one important trait of your personality, would you still be less confident of yourself?

For every 3 a.m. night, when you feel low, how beautiful it would’ve been if you could convince yourself that you’re a sparkle. That you’re strong enough and no anyone could ever make you feel less worthy. If the securities came not from the locked doors of your home, but from the warmth within, maybe within we’d be more secure? If for every second you feel hopeless, you’d lose a considerable amount of score in the scorecard of your life, would you still be this hopeless? If you’d love your heart the way you want someone else to do, would you still think of hatred?

I wonder. I wonder. Sometimes, I look at myself and wonder I could be the perfect version of myself. That we could all do whatever we’ve ever wished to if we were positive enough to have not thought of any negative vibes coming around. You see, there is so much we could do in ourselves.

And like my childhood days, I looked at the mirror once again and I whispered something.

“Hope.” The vibrations remain the same since childhood.

The Kiss

Beautiful Humankind,

I slowly laid my mouth on her and we kissed for the first time. She tasted beautiful. Her mouth tasted of chocolate with a pinch of vanilla that I had hated until yesterday. I caress her back with my little fingers and she gave a very shy smile. The next second, we both look at each other and our eyes completed the talking in silence. I could feel her. I could hear her heavy breath which sounded like the rain slapping through the window. It sounded musical. Everything seemed musical.

I could smell roses. It felt like some tiny petals of roses are flowing all around leaving its wonderful smell. She smelt of soap. She smelled exquisitely beautiful.  I could figure out she had definitely used the rose body wash to have come up with such fragrance. Something fascinating, something that allures you, she smelt that magical.

I slowly plucked her hair behind the ears and I kissed her. I kissed her ears, her neck, her thighs, her hands. I kissed her skin. I made love.

She shivered a little. And then a little. And finally, she was trembling badly. You see, this is what we do in love. Knowingly, Unknowingly, We hurt the other person a little.

Destiny

Beautiful Humankind,

I’ve always believed that we are a sparkle and each sparkle has something hidden, something pretty within it. When we talk about destiny, I don’t really know what it means. Or how important this is to how I am living my life. But I’ve always been inclined to believe that what is meant to be will always be. You’re here today, because it is meant to be that way.  You’ve this special bunch of people because you were supposed to have one. I want you to know that there is no point getting sad even if things aren’t really working in your favour. I’m sure if not this way, the other way but there definitely is something beautiful waiting for each one of us. And most importantly, a little beautiful sparkle is always mesmerizing. Destiny, the word seems big with its own sparkling role to play.

More Of You

Beautiful Humankind,

One day,
When you are stuck
in the middle of the road
and couldn’t find a way back home
I want you to know that,
You’re the only one who could find a way
You’re the only one who could help yourself
Because unlike you,
Everything else is temporary.

One day,
When you realise that
you are having some bad days,
and you really feel off-track
I want you to know that,
You’re the only one
Who could make yourself smile
Who could dance, sing, paint whatever
just to make you on track
Because unlike you
Everything else is temporary.

One day,
When you realise that
close friends are no longer interested,
and you couldn’t speak your heart out
I want you to know that,
You could speak to yourself
And feel the strength of a best friend
Because unlike you
Everything else is temporary.

At the end,
One day,
When you realise that
everyone doesn’t love you the same way
and you really couldn’t figure out why,
I want you to know that,
You could love yourself a little more
Because unlike you
Unlike your love,
Everything else is temporary
Everything.

hearts and flowers

Beautiful Humankind,

They told me,
That this is the “best phase” of your life,
That it comes in the form of
A whole bunch of stupid class
That you would always cherish.
But I never really believed,
Until the day,

I realised
That the same class photograph
That made me feel nasty some years back
Made me hold a smile today

That this is why we filled the pages of
The dairy,
Flipped through the pages of the slam book
And scribbled in the white shirt on the last day
Of school.

That snap chat stories
Will remind us that they existed,
And calls and video chats,
Will make me miss them
To an undefined level

I never knew,
That we won’t rewind it back,
Until one day,
I realised that
Those days are gone.
And all I am left with is
Memories and memories
And memories.

With a pinch of nostalgia.

 

The same way

Beautiful Humankind,

Some days back,
I painted
A small hut,
Into an art paper
It wasn’t really perfect
But it gave light
It sparkled in that empty paper
Any day soon,
If I ever become plain in life,
I want someone to paint my life
The same way

Some days back,
My earphones got messed up
I slowly uncluttered it
Very calmly
It took time
But it was worth it
Any day soon,
If I ever get stuck in the chaos of life,
I want someone to untangle me
The same way.

Some days back,
I scribbled some writings
In the last page of my notebook
It made sense
But it wasn’t completed
So I patiently wrote each and every word,
In a fresh page
Any day soon,
If I couldn’t complete any chapter
In my life,
I want someone to compose me
The same way

Some days back,
I got lost into my own dreams
Of unwanted past,
I wept twice and
Then took myself for a treat
If I ever get off-track in life,
I want someone to rejuvenate my life
The same way.

Some days back,
I couldn’t complete a poem
I guess, it wasn’t my day
I took a deep breathe
Told myself, “Yes, You can!”
And reworded it
Any day soon,
If I ever lose the charm to be creative,
I want someone to build my confidence
The same way.

Thyself

Beautiful Humankind,

It’s 3.28 a.m
With demons trying to touch my heart,
Waving “hi” all day and night,
At 2, peeking through my blanket,
Hide and seek it plays,
Visiting me,
every now and then,
“Go!” “Move away” I scream,
I scream, but not loud enough to scare them,
he loves my delicate bed I guess,
and within,
With not so really visible scars,
I still look perfect to you in the morning,
I wake up,
To try,
to fight,
to speak, to reach out,
to regain the charm,
the lost charm and the sparkle within,
to learn to make myself happy,
With time,
And then,
With time,
during the same nights,
at 3.28 a.m.
I learnt,
To make myself happy.

At myself

Beautiful Humankind,

I smile at myself. I smile at myself for all the little deeds I’ve done that made you feel worthy of yourself. I smile at myself for all the kind talks I have spoken to myself during those not-so-really-happy-days. I smile at myself when I look back to those times when I regained the faith I felt I wasn’t worthy of. I smile back at those school times when lunch hours were before the morning assembly and to realise that memories could do miracles today. I smile at myself when I learnt that I made someone’s day. I smile at myself for all endless stories I have told you of yesterday that make you smile. I smile at myself for all the little smiles I have tried spreading around. I smile at myself for some little part I have done to make sure you had a good day. Moreover, I smile at myself when the positive vibrations I hold within are hopeful enough to reflect it as a sparkle in my eyes.

Oh, Best!

Beautiful Humankind,

Dear unknown best friend,

First of all, let me tell you I do not really believe in the word “best.” Or maybe I have lost the faith that this word brings. So, someday if I consider you as a “Best Friend” or you happen to tolerate me as your best friend, I just want you to know something about your bestie. I find it so funny that at this point in time when people are busy finding their beloved; I stand here searching for someone I could share all my deep thoughts with. I repeat it again, all deep thoughts.

Apart from my body features, I want you to know something better. Before you hold me as your best friend, I want you to know that I’ve never been good at fulfilling a role as a best friend. Yes, you heard it right. So, think twice before making such a big decision. It will be your lifetime decision because I won’t have to strength to lose you once again.

Secondly, the girl writing this isn’t really weird. I am weird to an extent and I will definitely join you at all your craziness. Oh! By the way,till this time you must have known that. Trust me on this, I do not really share most of my happenings with everyone. I don’t know what do you call it, maybe a self-composed kind of a girl or maybe because no one really gives a fuck, it doesn’t matter sharing my deeds with anyone. I just don’t, as simple as that. And maybe none of us does that. But she is more than what everyone is. She is different and you will learn that with time.

There will be days when I will want you to just listen. Do nothing. Just listen. And there will be times when all I require is a hug. That’s all. With time you will get to learn that I do not love expensive gifts. Give me your love, spend some time with me, be honest with me and I will love you always. These days I’ve started losing confidence in most of the things I do and maybe the other day I will start shivering because of the fear I have within. During these not-so-my-kind-of-days, you will have to help me restore the faith in myself. You will have to have my back and no matter how worthless I feel of myself, as a best friend please try making me feel at least good, if not the best. I do listen to all my favourites. So, I’m sure I will make an effort to listen to all your suggestions as well.

Wait. I am revealing you a fact; this is supposed to be a secret, okay?  I cry most of the times, and when I do that I feel easy. So the other day when I cry in front of you please do not ask me not to. Just let me weep, I will be fine after that.  And please do not laugh at me. Even the silliest thing on this earth brings tears to my eyes. Do you realise how weak hearted your best friend is?

Listen, like I said you I am not a sharing kind of a person, If I happen to share most of my good and bad days with you, believe me, you are special to me to an extent you cannot even think of. I love you that deep.

Little efforts are the key to my heart. Be it a phone call, a small word, a text, anything. It has always mattered and it will always. I can’t change myself in this regard. For me at the end what just matters is an effort. Dear best friend, I will give my 99% but do understand that you need to give that 1% to make it a perfect friendship.

I’ve poured my heart into this letter. I’m not really interested in “best friend” as just a tag. Please mean it before giving one such name. Did I tell you, you will be the first priority before my boyfriend? Friendship is this deep to me.

Lastly, I will make sure that this time I do not lose you as a best friend. I am working on it and most probably by the time I find you, I guess I will be somewhat perfect. Or will imperfection work for you?