There are days when I go to bed early but I barely manage to fall asleep. On those days, I cannot help but question everything. I wonder, why am I here. I wonder, what is that one thing that I want to achieve. I wonder what makes the moon and the stars so pretty. I wonder what makes life worthy.
Somewhere within I wonder what if I was not meant to do what I am doing. What if, I am good at something different altogether which I haven’t even explored till the date. I wonder the amount of difference the kind of family you belong to can make and I even wonder, what if I wasn’t as privileged as I am today, how would life turn out to be?
You see, the world has been pretty kind to me all this while and I wonder if I deserve all of it. I wonder if I am worthy of the best friends that stick by me at 3 in the morning or at 6 in the evening. I wonder if I’ve done something really grateful to be worthy of having a roof over my head. I wonder if I am making a good impact in anyone else’s life and while I am wondering about everything which doesn’t make much of a sense at this hour, I open my WhatsApp. I go through some of my starred messages and I read some of the messages that makes me feel grateful of who I am as a person.
There is a text message from my best friend that reads “You’re worthy. Thank you for existing.” there is another that reads, “10 beautiful things that I’ve learnt from you.” I read these messages, I smile to myself and at that moment, I feel I deserve all of it. You see, this is why I starred those messages, for days like these; days when I cannot sleep and when my heart ceases its way to question my self worth, these are the kind of messages that keep me going. And these are the kind of people I need when I seem to lose my right state of mind; people who let me be who I am and who help me grow every single day without asking for anything in return.
They tell me that I deserve nothing but the best and I don’t completely believe it. Anyways, you tell me, do you and I have a say in what we deserve?
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